LOVE!!!! I just fell a bit MORE in love with Denmark! :) The Danish-owned publishing firm GYLDENDAL selected my writing for one of their educational texts about communications. The book, "On Purpose: Rhetorical Analysis of Non-fiction," examines different types of texts -- including a speech by Tony Blair, an advertisement with Arnold Schwarzenegger, etc. In the section about blog posts, they reprinted (with my permission and gratitude, of course) a FUNKY BROWN CHICK® post about women, health, body image and weight. Yay Denmark!!! :)

I said, "I should download 'Singin' In The Rain' to my iPod later today. Anyone know any other 'happy' rain songs?" You gave me ...

• Blame It On the Rain by Milli Vanilli (via @tunedout)


• It's Raining Men by The Weather Girls (via @thursdays_child)


• The Rain by Missy Elliott (via @affable_alpha)


• Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head by BJ Thomas (via @writingdirty and @theambershow)


• Rainy Dayz by Mary J. Blige ft. Ja Rule (via @affable_alpha)


• Only Happy When It Rains by Garbage (via @JohnJude)


• Rain by The Beatles (via @martybeckerman)


• I Can't Stand The Rain by Tina Turner (via @affable_alpha)


• Rain by Madonna (via @affable_alpha)


• Caught In The Rain by Revis (via @theambershow)

Special thank for you to @tunedout for this link: http://3.ly/funkyrain

“Romance has killed more people than Cancer. Ok…maybe not killed but dulled more lives. Removed more hope, sold more medication, caused more tears.” I finished reading Diary Of An Oxygen Thief ages ago, and I swore I’d write about it because the book is so damn good. Written by an anonymous author, the tale follows the life of an Irishman who works in advertising and travels from London to the Midwest to Manhattan chasing … actually, I’m not sure what. I was going to say love but I could just as easily say life. “Love, hate, what’s the difference?” Diary Of An Oxygen Thief is one of the best books I’ve read all year — or, dare I say, in the past couple years. The writing is good. The story’s compelling. I couldn’t stop reading and re-reading it because I over-identified with the characters. The messy lives, the fucked up relationships and the pain of realizing at the very second you think you’ve got the love shit figured out, you couldn’t be more painfully wrong. “”I liked hurting girls,” is the novel’s oft-quoted first line. Reading the book’s first few pages, I figured it could’ve only been written by a sociopathic asshole. But, I still loved it. That might say more about the types of guys I like rather than the book. I’ve historical allowed men to disappoint me because I was in love with who I wanted them to be (or who they were on rare occasions) rather than their actual character. “‘Hurt people hurt people.’ I see now that I was in pain and wanted others to feel it, too. This was my way of communicating.” Here in New York, I once slept with a British dude who told me: “I like you. You’re not beautiful, but you’re cute.” In Chicago, I stayed in a relationship with a man for MONTHS after he repeatedly screamed at me like I was a fucking child as he explained: “This is the worst it’s gonna get, Twanna. I’m never going to hit you. All couples argue.” Of course I screamed back and, eventually, broke up with him. I have friends, family members and FBC readers who could tell even more fucked up stories about the things they’ve done and/or allowed to be done to them in relationships. “They say you’re not punished for your sins, you’re punished by them.” When I first moved to NYC, I felt like I was caught in a clothes dryer spin cycle in my love and professional lives. I had a job. I didn’t have a job. I lived in the West Village. I moved to Hell’s Kitchen. I left Manhattan. I was going back to school to collect yet another degree. I was sick of taking classes. And, perhaps, not entirely coincidentally, I went on tons and tons of dates — an average of 1 - 3 new ones each week. Not all of them were fantastic. Seriously, sometimes I read over some of my old posts about guys I went on dates with and I’m like What. The. Hell was I thinking?!!? I remember there was a Swiss guy who was so unremarkable that I could only remember his name started with a K. Was it Klaus? Kevin? Keith? Fuck if I know. But, this I know for sure: I’d take New York’s life/love madness over my mundane Midwestern past any day. As many of you already know, I grew up in Illinois  — Smalltown, USA central. The writer really nails that world. The tightly wound lives. The deceit. The heavy addiction of “normalcy” and the denial of any dysfunction. “But, fuck it, the big toothy smiles, the thick needy niceness. That crazy over-awake stare. I still don’t know what that was. Zoloft. Stupidity? In New York, everyone just looks hurt. It seems more honest. Maybe I just identified with them.” And, I love New York too. For the same reasons. Anyway. Whether you live in New York or elsewhere, I highly recommend this book. If you’re not into reading about fuck up relationships, you might like Diary Of An Oxygen Thief for the insider’s view of the advertising world. “Advertising is false. Once you know that, you’ve got a chance.” Interesting quote because, when I agreed to review the book, I didn’t know if it was a memoir (true) or novel (false). Generally speaking, I don’t read fiction because there are so many amazing real life stories that resonate with me more fully. But, the more I read Diary Of An Oxygen Thief, I wondered: Would I change my opinion of this book if it I knew it was a novel? Reality is what you believe it to be. Or, to quote The Matrix: If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then ‘real’ is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain. So, yeah, get the book. And, of course, if you haven’t already seen The Matrix, rent it. (The two aren’t connected; I just have a horrible habit of relating every life experience to specific film quotes.) To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: I Liked Hurting Girls (Review: Diary of an Oxygen Thief)

Technorati Tags: book review, dating, Diary of an Oxygen Thief, dyfunctional, funky brown chick, Men, relationships, sex, Twanna A. Hines, women

I just took Time Out New York’s “Do you belong in New York City?” quiz. What’s the funny thing about those tests? They (and, at times, the city) leave me jaded. So, then, of course they’re always like: “YAY! YOU’RE JADED!!! YOU BELONG HERE!” Anyway, so, this particular survey is quite interesting. It asks questions like: “You’re in NYC because…” I answer: I didn’t fit in anywhere else, and New Yorkers are the kind of people I feel at home with. They ask: “When a coworker tells you she’s decided to leave New York, your first thought is …” I write: Quitter. They say: “Complete this statement: A successful person is one who …” I respond: … Can make it through the day without yelling cuntface. I’ve finished the test. Results are in, and Time Out New York says: DO YOU BELONG IN NYC? Yes, but sometimes you wish there were a better option. You do love New York, and you fit in here better than you have anywhere else. You’re committed to the city, and you take advantage of all of its amazing food, culture, nightlife and arts. But you have nagging doubts about this relationship. Spend your whole life here? Not sure about that. Sometimes you wonder about that farm in your fantasies or even just a smaller city. But in reality, you know there’s nowhere better. Click here for suggestions about how to really enjoy NYC. You guys send me emails all the time and, interestingly, I get the “I’m thinking about moving to New York. Any advice?” question quite often. I love New York. That said, I’m probably not the city’s biggest cheerleader because I constantly complain about the cost of living here, the lack of green space, etc. And, I certainly wouldn’t be surprised to find myself living elsewhere (say, I don’t know, Paris? Or, maybe in Amsterdam again?) in the distant future. NYC isn’t the greatest place on earth — it’s just one of them. Anyway. If you’d like to take the quiz yourself. Here’s the the link: Do you belong in New York City? To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: Do I Belong in New York?

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Manhattan, New York, NYC, Time Out New York, Twanna A. Hines

As I already mentioned on Twitter yesterday morning, last night’s plans included stopping by Anna David’s private launch party for her new novel Bought. Kudos to Anna for a smash hit party!!! Damn it seemed like EVERYONE was there. Page Six even showed up. A chick who either was Emily Gould or looked a helluva lot like her was mingling in the crowds. Tons of familiar faces. LA people. New York people. People who know people. Me? I’m probably a horrible networker because, for the most part and as usual, I spent the whole night talking to people I already knew: Jahfurry (I wish I could’ve made it to the afterparty to hear him and his band), Nick (who’s got tons of pics from the party already posted on Random Night Out), Jamye (I can’t believe she’s leaving us and moving to LA!), Anna (who looked GORGEOUS in her little black dress) and Rachel (who, by the way, is soooo awesome because she returned from Europe with a CHOCOLATE housewarming gift for me.) Given the choice between making small talk with people I don’t know or catching up with folks I adore, I’d rather hang out with my friends. Granted, talking to new people could lead to new friendships. I know this and I’m working at getting better. I like the picture Nick took of me and Rach. Apparently my cardio is working. This red shirt used to be fitted, now it looks like I’m swimming in it. Time to buy a new one and/or stick this in the dryer longer after the next wash.

This Summer: Twanna’s Big Bikini Reveal!!!! In the meantime, if you want to see more fully clothed images, Nick shot great photos of him and Anna, Jeff and Anna, Jamye and me and of course Michael and Anna. Ah, Michael Malice — a Ruskie so deliciously wonderful and PERVERTED he deserves his own FBC post.  ;) Okay, enough about the kickass launch party and more about the book. Full disclosure: I know and adore Anna. So, of course I want her novel to sell really well. I haven’t read Bought in its entirety yet, but it sounds super interesting. To get a taste, you can read the first chapter here. How much do I love it that Bought opens with the James Brown lyric / quote, shake your money maker?!  :) “Here’s how I see it,” Anna explains on her site. “[I]n the same way we don’t go into an interview, utter brilliant asides, and later think, ‘I really used my intelligence to nail that interview,’ we tend not to give much conscious thought to the ways we use our sexuality to get what we want.” She goes on to say that she’s “worked with agents who have made it perfectly clear that they were far more interested in what was between my legs than in what was between my ears.” A while ago, I attended the New York premiere of  Steven Soderdergh’s film The Girlfriend Experience at the Tribeca Film Festival. (My article about that is still in the can; it’s one of three on of my List of Outstanding / Overdue Pieces.) Anyway, at that event someone brought up that quote that goes something like ‘capitalism is just another version of prostitution.’ Soderbergh responded, “Life is just a series of transactions. We all want something.” True. Or is it? I mean, yeah, I’ve totally used my sexuality to get my way with men. A short black dress, the right pair of 4′ heels and deep red lipstick opens lots of doors — literally and figuratively speaking. Hmmm … You should take Anna’s “quiz” to find out if you can be bought. Also, feel free to use the comments section below to tell me: Do you think you’ve ever been bought? Have you been buying? And, if so, how? To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: Sex and Money: Can You Be Bought?

Technorati Tags: Anna David, book, books, Bought, Emily Gould, GFE, Girlfriend Experience, Jahfurry, Jamye Waxman, Jeff Newelt, Michael Malice, money, Nick McGlynn, novel, prostitution, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Random Night Out, sex, Steven Soderbergh, Twanna A. Hines

"Operation Smile mobilizes a world of generous hearts to heal children's smiles and transform lives across the globe. [Their] network of volunteers works worldwide to repair childhood facial deformities including cleft lips and cleft palates [...] For a little as $240, Operation Smile can change a child's life by giving the gift of a surgery."

At SXSW 2009, Operation Smile asked attendees, "What Makes You Smile?" To find out what everyone said, click here to see the photos.

I love the word sexy, and I don't think we use it enough in everyday language. At its core, it simply means appealing. Sexy brands. Sexy topics. Sexy ideas. At 11:30am on Monday, March 16, I'm moderating a South by Southwest (SXSW) panel called "How to Protect Your Brand without Being a Jerk!" If you find discussions about branding, intellectual property, trademarks, copyrights and patents appealing, come to the panel. (Pssst! If your memory is as bad as mine is, you can add this event to your iCal, Google Calendar or Outlook via www.sxsw.com or via www.sched.org.) Participants include:

Panelist: ELENA, VLA. Elena M. Paul is the Executive Director of the Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts. In addition to overseeing all of VLA's programs and services, Ms. Paul counsels and represents artists and arts organizations, specializing in corporate and contractual matters. She also serves as development consultant for various cultural and arts projects in addition to television, film and theatrical productions. In her tenure at VLA, the organization has enjoyed record growth, program improvement and expansion, and productivity.

Panelist: ERIC, Creative Commons. Eric Steuer is the creative director of Creative Commons, a nonprofit organization that promotes the legal sharing and reuse of information and creativity via reasonable approaches to copyright. CC has recently worked with groups ranging from the Obama administration to Al Jazeera to the rock band Nine Inch Nails. In addition to his work with artists, media companies, and cultural institutions on behalf of CC, Steuer is a contributor to Wired magazine, the co-founder of Sneakmove Recordings, and a member of the band Meanest Man Contest.

Panelist: DANNY, EFF.org. Journalist, IT analyst and broadcaster, Danny O'Brien is a technology columnist for the Sunday Times and Irish Times. Working as a consultant, he has helped formulate online strategies for Intel, the Guardian, and Channel Four, and was responsible for creating Virgin Net's community programming during its startup phase. Danny's broadcast work production and presenting shows for shows for the BBC, Channel Four, Sky and ITV networks.

Panelist: OREN, HIQI Media. Oren Bitan is a documentary producer and distributor, and an attorney specializing in intellectual property and civil rights. Until recently, Oren was an associate in the Los Angeles office of Morrison & Foerster, one of the world's leading international law firms, where he represented video game publishers, musicians, film festivals, documentary filmmakers, and web-sites.

Moderator: TWANNA, Funky Brown Chick. Twanna A. Hines is a New York-based writer, sociologist, blogger and sexpot. Her commentary has been heard on NPR, and she has written for Huffington Post, New York Press, Lifetime, Nerve and others. Her award-winning blog, FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, and other sites have been mentioned in New York magazine, the Village Voice, EbonyJet, Vibe and elsewhere. She attended New York University and other schools. Her B.S. and M.A. degrees are in sociology. Fluent in English and Dutch, Twanna enjoys passionate love affairs with far-away lands and intelligent men.

House is a mess. I haven’t visited the gym (or gone for a hard run) in almost a month. I’m not getting enough sleep. My mailbox is probably stuffed and overflowing with white envelopes, flyers, magazine subscriptions and books from publishers because I haven’t emptied my PO Box in three weeks. Yada yada yada … It’s been a long week, and I’m soooo fucking glad it’s Friday. I need a break. :( My social life is manic. Either I’m sitting at home, wrapped in a blanket, curled up on my couch complaining that I don’t want to go outside because it’s cold / snowing / raining / I’m on my period / whatever OR there’s a million things going on at the same time. This week, I went out a bunch more than usual; so, I need a low key weekend. You know, a little R&R. Speaking of which … It’s almost 2am on Friday morning, and I’m finally getting to bed. But, before I sign off, a couple quick announcements: BlogHer I just got the word it’s okay to blab the news: I’m speaking at the 5th Annual BlogHer Conference in Chicago this summer. Sooooo happy about this for two reasons: (1) I’ll see my friends and family back home and (2) I’m excited to finally get more actively involved with BlogHer because I’ve been  silently plugged for a couple years. SXSW Tiffany B. Brown called it “Tech Freaknik,” and Larry Smith once said it’s the “Burning Man of Tech Conferences.” Whatever you’d like to call SXSW, if you’re going to be in Austin, I’d really like it if you’d come to my panel. Sex in America Friday night, I’m going to “Sex in America: Can the Conversation Change?” — an event co-sponsored by Open Center and Huffington Post. (This is the FINAL “planned” activity for my week. After this: relaxation.) Anyway. Panelists — Cory Silverberg, Amy Sohn, Leonore Tiefer, Ian Kerner and Esther Parel — are going to discuss: “How do the politics of sex enter the American bedroom?” If you live in New York, come to the event. Details are online. A bunch of you told me you liked the Man Pageant liveblog, so I might do the same for tonight’s shindig in case non NYC-dwelling Funky Brown Chick readers want to hear what the panel says about sex + politics. Okay. C’est tout. Good night. Must. Sleep. To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: Sex in America, SXSW and BlogHer

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Twanna A. Hines

I really enjoyed reading at the Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak event at Borders yesterday. I gave the most honest delivery I could. It wasn’t a saccharine-sweet “my life is perfect” tale. But, I can’t help it; I rarely hide messes in my personal love affairs. I figure we all have heartache & sad things happen to us; so, why not talk about it? In fact, one of the first pieces I ever read at SMITH magazine — the producers of Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak– was story about a guy whose sibling died: Something happened, and he drowned. “Chris, my older brother, died four years ago,” Something happened starts. “He was 34, single, and living in Chicago. I just turned 35; I’m now older than he ever got to be.” Read the whole story. It’s touching. Maybe I relate to it because I’ll be 35 next year and I couldn’t fathom losing my sibling at this age. Maybe the story resonates because, though I now live in New York City, I’m originally from the same city as the piece’s author: Chicago. Or, perhaps I like the piece so much because — whether on the page or on film — I’m inspired when others share stories about painful loss, heartache and failure because it lets me know life isn’t always perfect and, therefore, it’s okay if I’m not either. Love is an amazing, and it’s most honest (and most truthful!) when we don’t ignore its sinister sister: heartache. It’s like that saying goes [not sure who wrote/said it]: “Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit.” So, THANK you to Larry Smith and Rachel Fershleiser for including me last night’s program, allowing me to share my “heartbreak story” with others. Now, on a cheerier note, my friends at YourTango just shot me an email with a bunch of links to Valentine’s Day-related stuff; so I thought I’d share the info with you. Full disclosure: The mag named me their blogger crush a short while ago and, of course, the love is mutual: Video: 5 Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts http://www.yourtango.com/200910139/5-worst-valentines-day-gifts Video: What Men Secretly Think About Valentine’s Day http://www.yourtango.com/200910667/what-men-secretly-think-about-valentines-day Valentine’s At Wendy’s & Other Quirky Customs http://www.yourtango.com/200910588/valentines-day-at-wendys Why It’s Better Not To Have A Valentine http://www.yourtango.com/20083562/5-reasons-its-better-to-be-single-on-valentines-day.html A New Way To Celebrate Valentine’s Day: Keep Romance, Lose Hallmark http://www.yourtango.com/200910507/reclaiming-v-day-keep-romance-lose-hallmark Show Affection Without Getting Sappy http://www.yourtango.com/200664/dont-worry-be-sappy.html Romance On A Budget http://www.yourtango.com/20086035/romance-on-a-budget To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: Love Honestly, Truthfully

Technorati Tags: funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, heartache, heartbreak, Larry Smith, love, Rachel Fershleiser, Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak, SMITH magazine, Tango magazine, Twanna A. Hines, Valentine's Day, YourTango

Want to more about how technology affects our lives and the way we live? Listen to Nora Young’s show. She’s the host of CBC Radio’s Spark, co-produced with Elizabeth Bowie and Dan Misener. If you’ve been on my blog or my personal site before, you already know I write and speak about relationships. Hugh thank you to Nora and the gang for having me a guest on their show to talk about technological compatibility. You might ask: What the hell is that?

“In time for Valentine’s Day,” CBC teases you, “Spark looks into what happens when one half of a couple is a tech nerd and the other half is not.” Technological compatibility is about how we negotiate differences in usage and meanings attached to online activity. Here’s a scenario: Relationship troubles boil over in a 5-year marriage, and one partner stops wearing their wedding ring. That physical “change” (i.e. no ring) could be a source of concern for the other partner and a socially acceptable topic of discussion; however, what if the “change” occurs online? (In fact, I know exactly three recently-divorced couples who experienced the awkwardness of removing their “married” status from Facebook.) Reigniting a connection with an old flame via Facebook, googling exes, mentally unplugging from a partner by doping up on online video games and increased internet porn addictions are all various means in which technology affects our love lives. As a society, we’re still in the n00b stage of talking about tech gaps in relationships — and, more widely, about how technology affects our lives. So, yeah, if you’re interested in this stuff, tune in. Listen to me and the others on CBC Radio One today at 11:30 a.m. (12:00 NT) or Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (4:30 NT). The segment also airs on Sirius XM Radio 137 today at 4:32 PM EST and Saturday at 2:00 PM EST. Or, of course, you can listen to the podcast right now. —————– Related: Last year, Fast Company magazine published my article “Is Facebook Helping or Hurting Your Love Life?” as their Valentine’s web exclusive. Photo credit: Image by Laura Nubuck To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: Listen Now: Computer Love

Technorati Tags: Canadian public radio, CBC Radio One, committed relationships, Dan Misener, Elizabeth Bowie, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Nora Young, online dating, Spark, technology, Twanna A. Hines

I’ll talk about heartbreak in a sec. First, if you want to see me at 17-years-old wearing braces, floral tights and a sleeveless, pink shirt dress while dancing the mashed potato, running man AND the Thriller dance all in one go, behold the clip on my Facebook page. My friend Tina Cox uploaded it last night. She and I met as teenagers on the same pom pon cheerleading squad in Illinois; the recording is from one of our competitions. (By the way, Tina still dances & now she makes good dance music; listen to it.) Ah, memories. Watching my toothpick legs do high kicks zapped me back to ages ago. When I was a teenager, I thought I’d get married by 23 because that’s people around me were doing. I already knew I didn’t want to have children when I got older, but I thought I might possibly adopt because, again, everyone else had children in their family so I figured I’d have to have them in mine. Also, I truly thought I was going to marry my college boyfriend. Strange, no? At one time, I thought I’d marry the guy; if I met him now, I wouldn’t give him a second date. It’s interesting the “life” I thought I’d live vs. the one I chose to pursue. Things certainly haven’t always happened the planned. And, thankfully, most of the times that’s been a good thing. Now, let’s talk about this “heartbreak” stuff. Reminder: If you live in New York, come to Borders Bookstore at Columbus Circle tomorrow at 7pm. I’m reading my contribution to Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak. Basically, I’ll quickly sum up my views about love lost and then read my entry for the book. Other lovely people who contributed stories will share, too. So, you’ll hear the sound of anonymous hearts breaking and/or being united in love. Should be fun. Hmmm … I guess I’ll end today’s post by asking YOU the two short questions I’ll answer during my short story at Borders tomorrow: How would YOU define heartbreak? Men, women, tell us: What is it about having love and losing it that makes it (at the time) so painful and (later) memorable? To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: This is What Heartbreak Sounds Like

Technorati Tags: Borders Bookstores, cheerleading competitions, funk brown chick, funkybrownchick, Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak, Thriller, Tina Cox, Twanna A. Hines

Aaah, babies, the competition was stiff!!! I almost picked Ben Brewer, the babydaddy of the nine-month pregnant M.I.A. — who performed at the 51st Grammy Awards, on the day she was due to give birth, wearing only a skimpy polka dot / nylon faux bikini — for the Funky Brown Chick “Manly Monday” selection. But, no, no. It’s not Ben’s turn. I wanted to pick Rihanna’s BREAKIN’ THE LAW, BREAKIN’ THE LAW domestic violence boyfriend Chris Brown, but that story’s too sad. So, for the first time ever, a man’s hair follicles are the winner(s). Behold: The Black Mullet.

Yes. Kanye West. Has. A. Mullet. Um … ladies and gentlemen … I’ll direct you to NahRight exhibits 1a and  4b as well as Complex magazine’s unabridged History of the Black Mullet because, quite frankly, I have no words. None. —————— Photo Credit: Image appears at NahRight. To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: Kanye West: A Black Man and His Mullet

Technorati Tags: Ben Brewer, black mullet, Chris Brown, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Grammys, hair, Kanye West, M.I.A, Manly Monday, NahRight, Rihanna, shag, Twanna A. Hines

I was told I’d be given riches and kisses in the most intimate places if I tell you all about a Netflix contest. Okay, so, maybe it wasn’t “exactly” riches ( … nor kisses … damn it! …), but here’s the scoop. Last Sunday, I read an email that tipped me off about a contest. “Recreate” your favorite film kiss, upload it to Netflix’s YouTube channel and win a trip. Good news? I looks like less than 200 people have signed up. They’re picking 3 finalists and 1 winner; so, your odds of winning are actually pretty decent. Bad news? The deadline is coming up quickly: 11:00 am PST, February 9. Yeah, like, next Monday. I know, I know. Sorry! If I knew sooner, I would’ve told you. I didn’t update my blog on Monday and I forgot to blog about it yesterday. Anyway. I want an FBC reader to win!!! Watch the video below for full details read their FAQ.

I’m such a fucking sap about this stuff. One of my favorite film kisses was from The Notebook. (((Le sigh))) Ah, who doesn’t love kisses? And cinema, too! I’m a HUGE movie freak. I’ve been to International Film Festival Rotterdam, Toronto, Chicago and a bunch of others. I even worked at Robert DeNiro’s Tribeca Film Festival (volunteered in ‘06, was hired for pay in ‘07) and volunteered at the Amnesty International Film Festival in Amsterdam. God, I love film. I soooo choke up every time I see that final scene in Cinema Paradiso. If you’re a cinephile and you haven’t seen that movie, rent it!

In case you wondered, the words smeared on the woman’s neck above, translated from French, reads: “A warm summer breeze tickles my neck like a soft blown kiss on my skin.” Kisses. On the neck, right above the collar bone / clavicle. I love that. Ooh, one of my other favorite spots to be kissed is the back of the neck, to the bottom right of of my hairline. Ummmm, here’s a lip-related question for ya: What’s your favorite place to be kissed? I’ve asked this question on the blog before, but we’ve got a few new commenters around here. So, I thought I’d give everyone another chance to whisper one of their secrets: Where do YOU like to be kissed most? To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: Kissing Naughty Spaces?

Technorati Tags: best kiss ryan gosling, film, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, how to kiss, kiss, kisses, kissing, movies, Netflix, Twanna A. Hines

Oh. My. Dear. Sweet. Buddha. With. A. Big. Round. Belly. Just when I thought my two eyeballs had seen it all, here come The Honkys. “What,” you might ask, “are The Honkys?” The mini word geniuses at Princeton tell us a “honky” is: (n) whitey, honky, honkey, honkie (slang) offensive names for a White man. Ask John McFarlane, and he might give you a different answer. “Renegade artist, photographer and filmmaker John McFarlane is releasing webisodes for the first time of his soon-to-be-produced comedy The Honkys.” Yep. Tonight he’s having a press screening of The Honkys — featuring characters like “Honky Mama,” “Honky Bitch” and others — at Bar13. Join him at 35 East, 13th St (near Union Square) at 8pm for the special screenings and drinks. Discussions of race + use of the word “honky” + booze = instant win? :) I was invited and looked to sharing my thoughts because I just can’t get have enough talk of multicultural sexing. But, alas, I can’t attend. :( Feeling under the weather and haven’t left the house today. If I feel better later, I’m going to my writing group instead of the show. Priorities, man. Priorities. They say this premiere is for special friends and family, but I figure it’s okay to share with all you guys given that the details about the screening are freely posted on their site. Plus, I double-checked with the chick who sent me the invite and she said it was cool to blog the deets. By the way, speaking of race and stuff, I’m wax about … surprise, surprise …. interracial dating tomorrow. Stay tuned. There will be black people, white people, Frenchmen, Asians and sex. Shit, I think I’ve already said too much. ;) Oh well. Anyway. Come back tomorrow and I promise to have sexy stuff for your eyeballs. To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: The Honkys Are Coming

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For the record. I’m not a Celine fan. At all. But, even I can admit she totally owns this song. Kills it! Beautiful. Merry Christmas to my readers who believe and to those who just enjoy the holiday. Hope you’re happy, safe and looking forward to an exciting year. I’ll keep updating the blog as usual in the week ahead; however, for today, I’ll just leave you with this song.

To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: Dear Readers: Merry Christmas

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The festival of lights starts at sundown. To all good-looking Jewish boys everywhere, this funky brown chick salutes you and your hot, circumcised dicks.  ;)  Chag Sameach! ————– Wanna support my blog without paying me a dime? Next time you shop on Amazon.com, please use this link. It won’t cost you anything extra. For every dollar you spend, Amazon will kick a few referral pennies my way. Wanna suggestion? Try: Boy Vey!: The Shiksa’s Guide to Dating Jewish Men. To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: Boy Vey, It’s Chanukah!

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In high school, I subscribed to House Beautiful via American Family Publishers because I hoped Ed McMahon would arrive at my front door with a life sized $1,000,000,000 check written out to Twanna A. Hines. It never happened BUT … I have proof people actually do win contests. I won a three-night and four-day complimentary all-inclusive spa vacation package to Red Mountain Spa from SingleEdition.com. It includes a 50-minute Swedish Massage, deluxe accommodation, roundtrip shuttle service from Las Vegas, three daily gourmet meals / healthy living classes and daily guided hiking. I’m gonna see Zion National Park and Bryce Canyon. That’s at least 20 different shades of awesome! See, folks? It pays to be single. ;)

I sooo can’t wait to schedule and take this trip sometime next year; I need it. Needless to say, I’ll take you along by posting real-time videos, blog posts and snapshots. I’m thinking of turning it into a writing retreat: just me & my laptop, cranking out pages of the book. And, of course, HUGE hat tip to the folks at Red Mountain Spa and SingleEdition.com. Check out both of those sites. You never know … YOU might win something, too! Speaking of single stuff, I notice Single Edition just posted the Top 15 Comebacks to “Why are you still single”? on Facebook. Here’s the list: 1. What? And spoil my great sex life? 2. Why aren’t you dating/divorced yet? 3. It gives my mother/father something to live for. 4. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. 5. Is this a proposal? 6. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating. 7. I’m waiting for you to get divorced so I can marry your wife/husband. 8. It didn’t seem worth a blood test. 9. The mail order bride/groom hasn’t arrived from Russia yet. 10. “I’m not done boozing and whoring” 11. Because having both a husband and a child would be redundant. 12. I’d have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund. 13. I’m waiting for your son/daughter to turn 18. 14. Why settle for just one. 15. So I don’t have to cheat on my left hand. Single people, if you often get asked “Why are you still single?” go to Facebook & and add a comeback to the list. To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: Why Are You Still Single?

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The Big “O.” Orgasms. Mr. Poopy Pants a.k.a. Moebius was in New York over the weekend, and we met up for savory quiches, Pinot Grigio and red velvet cupcakes at Sweet Revenge. I think it’s been more than a year since we saw each other. He looks the same, perhaps a little thinner. He’s cute. He knows it. I’d describe him in detail, but that might give his “identity” away to longtime Funky Brown Chick readers and inflate his ego. So, moving right along … In conversation, “Moebius” and I agree on a lot of stuff but we also vehemently disagree. Take orgasms, for example. Question: When two people are in bed together, are both entitled to an orgasm if each desires and is able to have one? I’d say yes. If I’m in bed with a guy and I get him off, I typically want him to get me off too. It’s only fair. Moebius agrees. He says, basically, “When I’m in bed with a woman, I do everything I can to make her come.” Good boy. “But once she comes,” he adds, “my responsibility ends there. I’ve done my job. My work is finished. I’m going to sleep. If she wants another orgasm, that’s her responsibility. That’s what vibrators are for.” What. The Fuck??? If I’m in bed with a guy, I want him to please me as much as I desire to be pleased. And, I’m willing to do the same for him. I get off on getting guys off, and I usually wanna do it more than once. If he’s ready to go again, I’m almost aways good to go. If I’m dating a guy and he wakes me up by cuddling a not-so-subtle daytime erection against my warm body, believe me, it’s my pleasure to oblige. “Everything from your nails to your orgasm is your responsibility,” counter-argues The Frisky. (I love that site.) “If he can’t handle the job, you should finish it off.” I agree. If he’s unable to do the job, I’m more than willing to take care of myself. That said, if I ask a dude to have sex with me, it’s because I crave his penis, fingertips and tongue pressed against every inch of my body. Shit, if I just wanted my hands and/or plastic & batteries, why the hell is the guy in my bed????? :) SIDENOTE: Seeeee, THIS is one of the many reasons I’m drawn to younger men; they’re quite happy to take care of me as much as I like. It goes without saying: no one should be forced to do anything they don’t want to. If a guy simply isn’t in the mood, that’s fine. I’m strictly talking about guys who rebelliously feel they shouldn’t have to go the extra O. What say you, dear readers? During sex, after both partners have come once, who’s responsible for further pleasure? ————- Credit paid: Red feather photo is by Kai Kuusik-Greenbaum To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: Manly Monday: Who’s Responsible for Os?

Technorati Tags: daytime erections, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Hines, Moebius, multiple, nocturnal penile tumescence, NPT, orgasms, Twanna, Twanna A. Hines, vibrators

—————- Video from appears online at BigAssPeaceHoop.com To see original post, get down with the funky brown at http://www.funkybrownchick.com. A link follows below: FYI: I Like to Hoop It Up :)

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